Ferne, August 18, 2020
I have always been someone who worries about things, letting them take over my mind, no matter how big or small the issue is. I remember at school things like public speaking and having to do presentations in front of a room full of classmates would send me into meltdown, causing me such worry and stress for weeks leading up to the event.
I always just put it down to the fact that I was a ‘worrier’. I then went on to study to be a children’s nurse; looking back now I’m not sure how I got through it – moving from different placements all of the time, having to start over in a new hospital department and learn new things month after month. Before each new placement I remember sitting in toilet cubicles having mini meltdowns, telling myself I couldn’t do it and that there was too much to learn. I just thought this was normal – now I know what I was having were panic attacks.
It wasn’t until I had a bad experience with my first nursing job that I realised I couldn’t carry on the way I was. The worry and sadness was taking over my life and I couldn’t enjoy things that I once used to love. I went to the GP and was told I was experiencing anxiety and low mood. I was sent for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and started on medication.
I felt happy and sad all at the same time having had this diagnosis; on the one hand I felt I was now stuck with this mental illness that would never go away, and on the other hand I felt relieved that there was an explanation as to why I had felt the way I had for so long. I also felt annoyed that I hadn’t sought help sooner as I felt I had suffered unnecessarily for so many years.
Luckily for me I have a very supportive family and a few close friends who have always been amazing. It’s hard as it can take some time for others to understand what you are going through and know how to help you in difficult times – but they’ve always tried really hard and never judged me. I remember initially feeling very down but not really knowing why. People would ask me why I was upset? But there was no reason. People find this very hard to understand which I completely get, but when you don’t even understand it yourself how can you explain it to others?
It was only a few years later that I started to experience some poor attitudes towards my mental health in the workplace. I was questioned about why I worked a particular shift pattern – I explained how this had been supported by my GP and that it was due to having a generalised anxiety disorder. I had to explain this in depth and this was disregarded and comments were made such as “but you’ve been working this shift pattern for 2 years - shouldn’t your anxiety have got better by now?”
I also questioned the fact that certain people with physical illnesses only worked certain shift patterns and so why was my mental health not considered as important? For which I did not really receive an answer. It was stated quite a few times that I needed to go and get psychological help, which felt like a rather personal thing to say to someone you don’t know very well.
This really upset and shocked me as I thought how, in this day and age, when mental health is spoken about so much, do people still have such poor attitudes towards it? I completely get that some people have never experienced mental health issues and therefore do not really understand it, but for employers to at least take it seriously, as they would do any physical illness, and try to support you so as to allow you to continue to work is so important.
We need to fight for those with mental health issues to be properly supported both in and out of the workplace as fairly and equally as those suffering with ‘physical’ issues.
I hope that as we all continue to share our experiences in regards to mental health, that people will become more open minded and understanding, making the world a fairer, more equal and overall better place.
I always just put it down to the fact that I was a ‘worrier’. I then went on to study to be a children’s nurse; looking back now I’m not sure how I got through it – moving from different placements all of the time, having to start over in a new hospital department and learn new things month after month. Before each new placement I remember sitting in toilet cubicles having mini meltdowns, telling myself I couldn’t do it and that there was too much to learn. I just thought this was normal – now I know what I was having were panic attacks.
It wasn’t until I had a bad experience with my first nursing job that I realised I couldn’t carry on the way I was. The worry and sadness was taking over my life and I couldn’t enjoy things that I once used to love. I went to the GP and was told I was experiencing anxiety and low mood. I was sent for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and started on medication.
I felt happy and sad all at the same time having had this diagnosis; on the one hand I felt I was now stuck with this mental illness that would never go away, and on the other hand I felt relieved that there was an explanation as to why I had felt the way I had for so long. I also felt annoyed that I hadn’t sought help sooner as I felt I had suffered unnecessarily for so many years.
Luckily for me I have a very supportive family and a few close friends who have always been amazing. It’s hard as it can take some time for others to understand what you are going through and know how to help you in difficult times – but they’ve always tried really hard and never judged me. I remember initially feeling very down but not really knowing why. People would ask me why I was upset? But there was no reason. People find this very hard to understand which I completely get, but when you don’t even understand it yourself how can you explain it to others?
It was only a few years later that I started to experience some poor attitudes towards my mental health in the workplace. I was questioned about why I worked a particular shift pattern – I explained how this had been supported by my GP and that it was due to having a generalised anxiety disorder. I had to explain this in depth and this was disregarded and comments were made such as “but you’ve been working this shift pattern for 2 years - shouldn’t your anxiety have got better by now?”
I also questioned the fact that certain people with physical illnesses only worked certain shift patterns and so why was my mental health not considered as important? For which I did not really receive an answer. It was stated quite a few times that I needed to go and get psychological help, which felt like a rather personal thing to say to someone you don’t know very well.
This really upset and shocked me as I thought how, in this day and age, when mental health is spoken about so much, do people still have such poor attitudes towards it? I completely get that some people have never experienced mental health issues and therefore do not really understand it, but for employers to at least take it seriously, as they would do any physical illness, and try to support you so as to allow you to continue to work is so important.
We need to fight for those with mental health issues to be properly supported both in and out of the workplace as fairly and equally as those suffering with ‘physical’ issues.
I hope that as we all continue to share our experiences in regards to mental health, that people will become more open minded and understanding, making the world a fairer, more equal and overall better place.